7 of the Best Fictional Steaks of All Time

Forget the Red Pills and Blue Pills, this is the most noteworthy thing to enter the mouth of a Matrix character. This steak is served to the slippery Cypher (Joe Pantoliano), who decides that he no longer wants to live the squalid life of a resister and instead chooses to enjoy a blissful simulated life within the Matrix. And with food like this, who can blame him?

Cypher’s reactions leave us in no doubt as to how great the steak tastes. And the film’s script really drives it home: “We watch a serrated knife saw through a thick, gorgeous steak,” the screenplay reads. “The meat is so perfect, charred on the outside, oozing red juice from the inside, that it could be a dream.” Shut up and plug me in.

“Masculin Féminin” (season 1, episode 2)

Here we have a steak that manages to achieve the impossible: It changes the mind of an obnoxious tourist. The tourist in question is the titular Emily (Lily Collins), who has moved from Chicago to Paris to pursue her dream job. While there, she somehow manages to tick every American tourist cliché in the book and, for good measure, offends a famous Chicago pizzeria.

The memorable scene above sees Emily attempt to send back a steak at a restaurant, claiming that it hasn’t be cooked enough. The server rebuffs her claims and encourages her to try it, but she refuses—until she discovers who the chef is. It’s Gabriel (Lucas Bravo), Emily’s incredibly hunky neighbor. At his insistence, she tries the steak as-is, and voilà, she loves it. Now, there is the possibility that Emily was simply pretending to enjoy the steak so as not to blow her chances with Gabriel. But given the fact that it was served in a fancy restaurant in Paris means it’s highly probable that it did indeed taste great.

“Indianapolis” (season 3, episode 6)

It’s extremely rare for anything to receive a stamp of approval from the fussy and frowny Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman). And few foods ever received that stamp as enthusiastically as Charles Mulligan’s Steak House, or as Swanson calls it, “the best damn steakhouse in the damn state.”

The quality of the restaurant has compelled the thoroughly unsentimental Ron to maintain a scrapbook of all the steaks he’s eaten there. And when he arrives in Indianapolis to find that Charles Mulligan’s has been closed for a health code violation, the usually unflappable Ron is an emotional mess. Talk about an endorsement. Surely we can all relate to this unreasonably intense attachment to a restaurant?

This film sees a group of washed-up actors from a defunct sci-fi TV series accept a gig like no other: They are beamed aboard a very real spaceship and must save some very real aliens from an intergalactic tyrant. The aliens treat their human guests to a special meal, and star Jason Nesmith (Tim Allen) positively adores the steak he is served. It turns out these aliens have a food synthesizer, which is able to produce a steak that mimics the taste of the corn-fed Iowa beef that Jason grew up with.

It’s worth noting that Jason has a massive ego and high standards (he refuses to do an acting job without limo transport, for example), so for a steak to impress him to this degree is no small feat. Of course, it helps when it’s seasoned with the most delicious ingredient of all: a reminder of home.

When a crime boss with a dozen murders to his name tells you that your steak tastes great, you can believe him—after all, he’s clearly not someone who would lie to protect a person’s feelings. The crime boss in this instance is James “Whitey” Bulger (Johnny Depp), who raves about the steak served by associate John Morris (David Harbour). Things get juicy when John reveals the family secret behind the steak’s delicious marinade and Whitey issues a stern warning about what happens to people who reveal secrets in the underworld. It turns out Bulger was bluffing, maybe, but the quality of that steak is no joke.

This film tells the story (in real time, basically) of how Frank Sheeran (Robert De Niro) works his way up from a truck driver to a prominent crime figure. His first step up that ladder is when he makes an offer to local gangster Skinny Razor (Bobby Cannavale) to supply him with steaks.

Before Skinny even finishes his first Frank Sheeran steak, he’s won over and agrees to keep Frank on. That’s very high praise considering how much of a steak aficionado Skinny is, and when you consider the fact that he could afford to go with any meat provider that suitcases of money can buy. Prime cuts win, and crime does pay.

“Raise the Steaks” (season 12, episode 6)

As if we could write about exceptional steaks without mentioning Hank Hill. When it comes to fictional characters who know and love meat, he’s the undisputed grill master (as long as there’s no charcoal involved).

When Hank grows tired of subpar supermarket steaks, he decides to go against every fiber of his being and shop for meat at an organic food co-op. He’s immediately dazzled by the sumptuous appearance of the meat.

“It’s the best steak I have ever eaten,” Hank admits. “Peggy, I think we need to say grace again.” The co-op’s steak (and all its food, for that matter) is so excellent that it even cures Hank of his hippie-phobia. He agrees to not only keep shopping there but also to volunteer at the shop. That’s the power of a good cut of beef.